Frequently Asked Questions
What is Somatic Intimacy and Relationship Coaching?
relating to the body, especially as distinct from the mind
Somatic based means that we are not only working with the mind but also reaching and working with your body's nervous system.
Tapping into and listening the wisdom of your body, and then bridging that with the knowledge and skills gained through experiential practice is an extremely efficient and effective way to heal and learn, and is a method backed by recent neuroscience.
A Somatica sex and relationship coach offers a unique approach to working with clients on intimacy and sexuality. While Somatica has aspects of talk-coaching and experiential-coaching, the foundation of the approach is completely different.
The Somatica Method was created as a way to fill a gap in the experiential learning realm. In order for clients to learn how to have emotional and erotic intimacy, we felt they needed to have authentic experiences of two-way intimacy—what we call a Relationship Lab. Somatica Coaches practice authentic relating with clients to help them learn, grow, and transform in their sexual lives and relationships.
What is a Relationship Lab?
Traditional marriage and sex therapists offer talk therapy and send you with homework (Let's face it, it doesn't often get done, plus there is no feedback in real time). At Flourish, you get to talk and much more. A relationship lab is an opportunity to learn and practice skills in real time, with a highly trained coach who can give feedback for the most efficient way to learn and improve. The relationship lab is where a secure attachment is cultivated and nurtured, giving your nervous system a calm and present experience in relationship, for safety and growth. The relationship lab is where you get to learn and practice teaching someone how to love you, communicate boundaries, feelings, needs and desires, and the essential skills of how to repair when tension and conflict arrises. While the connection in the relationship lab is authentic, the level of intimacy will always only be in service of the clients growth, and there are personal and professional boundaries in place (I do not date or see clients outside of sessions) This is a clothes-on and non-genital touching practice. If you are looking for a sexual surrogate or sexological body worker I can refer you to those professionals in my network. The relationship lab is a unique opportunity for growth, and the relationship built remains in the relationship lab, and container of the session. What you learn and practice in the relationship lab is what you then take out with you into the world and your life.
Who do you help?
We have all at one time or another had an issue or area of growth surrounding relationships and intimacy. Being able to openly discuss challenges, desires, fantasies and curiosities with a warm and accepting professional without fear of shame or judgement is an important need that I wish was more available. Unfortunately we live in a society and culture of taboo that does not openly support this need, and that is where my service comes in. The great thing about the Somatica method is that it is more than talk therapy, it is somatic and experientially based, which is the most efficient way to learn and heal for lasting transformation. Everybody can benefit from this work!
I work with folks from all backgrounds, genders, relationship styles and sexual orientations to help grow, heal or address issues or challenges in sex, intimacy and relationships. Individuals, couples and beyond. I specialize in women's re-claiming/de-shaming of body and sexuality, healing attachment trauma/teaching secure attachment, inner child work, cancer survivors, helping men become more confident and emotionally empowered in their relationships and the bedroom, helping parents and long term partners re-connect, supporting folks in the LGBTQ+ community, and supporting people exploring or living alternative relationship styles other than monogamy.
What issues can you help with?
I remain ethically aware of my professional competency, and the list of potential areas I can help with or refer you to a professional colleague for is very long. Below are a range of example questions that I have specialized training in addressing. If you don't see your question here, please reach out and ask! Chances are that I can help you, or direct you to a better fit.
Feeling unfulfilled or shame in your sexuality or relationships?
Do you find yourself repeating unhealthy or destructive relationship patterns?
Missing that spark in a long term relationship and want to re-connect and feel in love again?
Do you want better communication skills, especially repair skills that turn conflict into connection?
Do you want more sensation and pleasure in your body, and want to discover what's possible?
Wish you knew how to identify and communicate your desires to really get what you want in the bedroom?
Ready to have the best sex possible that in turn improves other aspects of your life too?
Do you want to learn how to value and communicate your boundaries in a way that builds better relationships rather than feeling resentful that you keep letting your boundaries be crossed?
Is a desire discrepancy or sexual dysfunction causing issues in your partnership?
Do you want to start dating and need the confidence and skills for success?
Do you want to become a better lover?
Are you thinking about opening up your relationship or curious about how to make consensual and ethical non-monogamy or other relationship orientations work?
Experiencing premature ejaculation or erectile disfunction and want to gain the control and competence you crave?
Do you have turn ons or fantasies that bother you or make you feel uncomfortable?
Is problematic porn use or 'sex addiction' an issue in your life or relationship?
These are just some of the common issues I address through experiential intimacy coaching and a 'relationship lab'. As a trauma-informed youth and family counsellor(CYC UVIC) trained in horticultural therapy (VIU) and the Somatica© method of sex and relationship coaching, I help you bridge the wisdom of your body-through building awareness and self-connection, with practicing the skills that build authentic connection and effective communication. Working with me can help you heal and address the missing experiences of your past that affect your relationships with yourself and others today. While many of our wounds and interpersonal challenges come out of relationship, that is also where you can heal them, with support.